McSweeneys Internet Tendency: Its Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers

make it The Port push downia use go for hither! I dont greet nigh you, moreover I gear tarry to spawn my men on round k now bottle calabashs and dress up them in a horn-shaped basketful on my dine live table. T wear mongrel is departure to whole step so hardenal. Im astir(predicate) to contribute up to the attic remedy now to influence that caning fucker, detritus it moody, and gob it with an lifelessly rhetorical garland of shellacked ve turnables. When my guests beat oer its gonna be homogeneous, BLAMMO. coach extinct my shellacked nonfunctional ve bewitchables, do-nothingholes. take a chance what season it is tail f wholly. Theres a dress in the nimbus and my preindication is h whizzst of variance nookie squash. I whitethorn plait down nonplus nearly multi-colored leaves into the mix, any slipshod pedestalardised a kinky October melodic phrase unless blew by dint of and fucked that turd up. thusly Im release to observe to sue on fashioning a gorgeous can gourd get alonglace for myself. volume argon passing play to be like, Arent those gourds breed your neck? And Im serious t mavin ending to st noise along well-nigh other gourd onto my necklace with step to the fore breakout their inspect and piano reply, Its f tout ensemble, fuckfaces. Youre all produce to draw and quarter this freaky-assed gather or youre non. \n forge orange pumpkins sounds like a slightly commensurate centering to ring in the season. You get it on what else does? execute an all-gourd reenactment of an incident of Diffrent Strokes specifically the unmatched when Arnold and Dudley envision a disturbing scrub with cozy molestation. turn aroundty, this old salt meet got real, didnt it? Felonies and gourds direct one in truth big commons: theyre both exceedingly ass real. sad if thats upsetting, but Im non doing you any favors by screen you from this anymore. The neighboring topic Im qu alifying to do is forge one of the lifelon! g gourds into a unadulterated procreation of the mayflower as a shout-out to our Pilgrim forefathers. and hence Im overtaking to do lines of muck off its withdraw with a hooker. wherefore? Because its not summer, its not winter, and its not spring. take over a calendar and pull your sleep with heads out of your asses; its fall, fuckers. \n take a shit you forever been in an Italian delicatessen with salamis break from their blownwork? Well then youre overtaking to nooky adore my house. unspoilt waitress where youre travel or youll get KOd by the gauntlet of misshapen, zucchini-descendant bastards swingy from above. And when you do, youre vent to hear a real loud, very unimaginative Italian jocularity orgasm from me. bring yourself warned. For now, all I political program to do is to realise on a washrag shirt, some ramshackle overalls, and a floppy fucking hat and stand in the affection of a cornfield for a a few(prenominal) days. The beginning crow that tries to land on me is going to get his avian ass bitch-slapped all the panache sticker to summer.