My Hands That Close To Your Neck

In anticipation of an upcoming Ethical Dilemma, I was striving to prepare myself for a choice I might bring in to make. I exigencyed to make the choice that gave an accurate impression of who I am and who I am is almost iodin who wants to be ethical, evolved, yet not at all(prenominal) a oilpan for the machinations of the morally corrupt.Heres the situation I lived in a small town, whither all your actions can affect how you are viewed, your expertness to function in that town, or do business, or simply hold out in harmony and that view can be reflected back to you with dizzying speed. I was to be involved in a public even outt, and worried that I might cross paths with a particular whatsoeverone, whom Ill call the Big Eraser.This person lived in my home, used my functions, brought no belongings, and in fact had none further a white garbage sack of itemsnot due to callowness (this person is pushing 40), and not due to an inability to be self-supporting. I had been loving, generous and supportive to B.E., and what I got in return was sloth, abuse, lies, deceit and eventual(prenominal) admissions of hatred after I removed B.E. from my home. This person had treated me with disregard, be me money, frustration and stress, and managed to get away with it for various reasons. I learned some meaning(a) lessonsI believe that everyone with whom we cross paths can be seen as a teacher. We dont substantiate to same them for that to be true.So, this was a small town, as I mentioned, and I was set up to provide a service, and full pass judgment B.E. to attend this public event, and that it might necessarily put me in a position to provide this service to B.E., should that request be made. Its important to note that this service is Therapeutic Touch Treatments, and therefore requires me to impart screw and healingthe last thing I go through I am cap adapted of giving to this person.My repartee to this hypothetically anticipated request forget likewise be rather public, and while I didnt want to attend hostile, I also didnt want to appear a doormat, nor did I deal to impart reward or seem to condone or authorize of B.E., only for the sake of social graces. I was not disingenuous passable to pretend I had affection for this person. Add to this, the fact that B.E. has repeatedly avoided karmic debt, and it irks me that B.E. has been able to charm around and over everyone until they personally experience the truth of who B.E. rightfully is. This is a person who was a self-confessed former medicine star/maker, who damaged or perhaps was responsible for the deaths of an unknown number of throngmaybe even kidsand had the unmitigated gall to brag about it.This is a person who has lied to others (including myself, initially) about burn scars, stating that they were received in some heroic gesture, when really the burns were received in a drug lab fire while cooking Methamphetamine. Yet B.E. had managed to snow everyone else, and also land a great job that paid closely and offered auspicesthis, with a criminal past, with a history of dodging taxes, and without a GED or High School Diploma. So in regard to my response to B.E. in this scenario, I have a generalized angst attached, i.e., Why do just things happen to bad people? These are examples of viable skewing of perception, as well as Internal Noise.Now, an argument can be made that The swan of Karma spins on its own, and does not require that we manually turn it. If a karmic debt is due, it leave behind be paid, one way or another, and it is the most healthy thing for me to keep my pass on off that wheel. I re consciousness myself of this frequently, when I have to deal with people like B.E.Back to the Public Event in which I might cross paths with this person Should B.E. approach my area and reckon, Id like a treatment, my response is crucial for many reasons. In my mind, I had conjured possible responses to such a request (testing hypothesis)F*** yo u. (anger)Are you out of your mind? Get out of my face, Loser. (anger + judgment)(suggested by my best friend) I would retire to give you a treatment exclusively for you, it will cost $700, because thats one of the debts you left for me. (sarcasm + bitterness)Its not a great idea for me to have my hands that close to your neck. (sarcasm + veiled threat)I dont esteem that would be a good idea. (avoidance + statement of fact)Sorry, Im on a break. (avoidance + a lie + non-confrontation))Let me think about that for a while. (avoidance + stall + nonconfrontation)It is important to me that I make choices grow in an evolved mindmy more primitive align wants to lash out. My adroit side wants to take a firm stance and my spiritual side wants to put only loving things into my environment and those around me, because thats what I want to get back. I am a great fan of having all those parts of myself satisfied, yet I suspect this isnt possible. I have to choose.If I choose the High Road a nd say, Sure, sit right down here and let me give you some love and healing. Then I retrieve I have chumped myself, compromised my integrity, become spineless, have condoned reprehensible choices, and somehow clear B.E.s evil ways. Why would I want to assist someone in their misbehavior? If I allow myself to become angry, Im ultimately just pain in the ass myself with stress, and giving B.E. power I dont wish B.E. to have. If I avoid B.E. and the situation, I feel cowardly, yet B.E. will probably order another beer and lay out off, and I wont have to deal with it furtherOf course, this scenario might never unfold, but I dont feel my consideration and energy is moot I nonoperational need to fancy how to deal with it, and I tranquilize need to have myself these oddballs of questions.Since B.E. never appeared at the event, my angst and ethical hand-wringing became a moot point. I still dont know the answers to these questions. I never got the chance to act on the decision, eve n though I was relatively sure what my decision would be.If I had to say how I might handle it now (and how I would have handled it then, had I gotten the chance) I would say that I would have chosen the last response Let me think about that for a while. This non-confrontational approach avoids conflict, defuses the situation, and also doesnt feel like it costs me any of my own integrity. I had an idea of expected behavior in that my choice of responses would have caused B.E. to wander off, without any provocation. Its rather possible that I would have been met with unexpected behavior, in that B.E. could have keep to engage me in a confrontational way, rather than to wander off. either way, in order to create a list of responses, I had to understand my own mental models, and making the list alone was enough to claim me of my own place in this ethical dilemma, and it forced me to consider the type of person I wanted to be.